Hoarding? Moi?

As some of you know, my husband Karl and I have a habit of choosing a Medicine Card every morning over coffee.  We each take a turn, shuffling the deck and choosing a card.  We also look to see what card is on the bottom of the deck because that can sometimes add nuance or spin to the top card, helping us figure out where that top card might "fit" in our life, or how to best interpret its meaning.

When there's a blank card on the bottom, we call that "squaring."  In other words, it means that the energy that the top card is bringing into our life for the day is squared - so whatever it is, we'd better pay attention because it's packing a magnified wallop.  As you might imagine, sometimes that can portend an exciting opportunity and starts our day with much anticipation.  Other times...not so much.

This morning, I chose Squirrel reversed.  Squared.

To the uninitiated (meaning those of you who haven't yet acquired your own set of Medicine Cards), let me explain that Squirrel's keyword is "Gathering."  There is, as always, a rich description in the accompanying book, of how Squirrel's energy might be recognized and perhaps even celebrated if you allow yourself to embrace its gifts.

Squirrel can be tough.  But Squirrel Reversed?  Squared?

Ugh.  The lessons brought by Squirrel reversed almost always have to do with hoarding.  Miserliness.  A tight-fisted approach to life and living, either toward others or with yourself.  Truthfully, I felt my stomach sink a bit when I chose it.  I sighed.  I read the card out loud...

wealth of pennies by r-z

"Yeah, whatever," was my insightful response to Karl.

Luckily, he had an appointment he needed to get to, so I escaped him attempting to coax a more honest or in-depth analysis out of me on how this might apply to my day.

I bristled at choosing Squirrel reversed in and of itself.  But squared?  Yikes.  There was clearly a huge lack of generosity playing out in my life and I did not want to look at it.

As he made his way to the door, Karl tried to make me feel better by suggesting that maybe I was not being generous to myself - not giving myself the time and space to write, or encouraging myself to imagine new opportunities, or permitting myself to put my own dreams ahead of my tendency to always drop what I'm doing to help others discover or follow theirs.

It sounded good and was indeed plausible, but...that didn't quite feel like "it."

A Different Form of Wealth

For the most part, I'm a relatively generous person.  I give of my time, energy, treasure, and attention, if not all at the same time, certainly from each, and somewhat routinely.  I'm far from a saint, but I'm decent.  And yet, the visceral reaction I felt when I chose the card told me that there is something I'm not admitting, something I'm either denying or refusing to see, that's holding me back, that I'm withholding.

Where am I hoarding?  Where am I holding back, holding on, pulling away and turning my back on people, shielding my "Precious" as I hold it covetously in my hands?  What is my Precious?

by || UggBoy♥UggGirl || PHOTO || WORLD || TRAVEL ||

Karl had barely gotten out to his car when it hit me.  Indeed, it was his parting remark as he closed the front door, which left its mark:  "Well, whatever you do today, Lis," he said, "WRITE."

And there it was.  That's what I hoard.  I hoard my words.  I hoard my thoughts and my feelings.  I hang on to my experiences, my "aha!" moments, the many small yet amazing pieces of my personal puzzle that, if I shared, might possibly help someone else make sense of their personal puzzle.

Why do I hoard them?  Oh, I don't know.  I guess it's because I think that maybe this or that little story will be much more meaningful or effective if I include it in my next book.  You know, if I "spend" too many words now, on something "little," I might not have enough left over for the bigger stuff.  Or maybe (more often, and more likely), I tell myself that my words simply have no value.  My stories only have meaning - and thus value - to me. 

I know this is error.  How?  Because I love reading, both my own words and others'.  I'm always up for a personal story.  I love shared experience.  I revel in recognizing myself in others and others' experiences in my own.  I yearn to understand more.  More about myself, more about you, more about the nature of reality, more about the meaning of this whole grand experience.

My words are a reflection of my life, my unique perspective.  They're part of me.  They're one of my most treasured gifts and greatest joys, even, oddly enough, when expressing heartache or outrage - but especially when sharing insight, love, appreciation and magic.

 Fly Like An Eagle

I'm by nature an inherently generous person.  I need to extend that to my words.  It's time to stop hanging on to them so tightly that I squeeze the very life out of them before I ever put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard.  As the conclusion to Squirrel reversed entreats, I need to remember the Squirrel who gathers the energy of Eagle, connects to Great Spirit - and flies!

Where, and what, are you hoarding in your generous and abundant life?  Come ~ gather your courage and fly with me.

Getting What We Want

Intentions, Affirmations, Clarity
 ...we hear these words all the time in relation to "getting what we want."

We are told that stating our desires and goals clearly, to both ourselves and the world (even if only by writing them down or confiding them out loud to a friend) - in other words, affirming our intentions with clarity and specificity - will manifest them.

Many of us believe that this means that, if we are clear enough, or state our intention firmly enough, or are so specific with the Universe that it can't be sidetracked into giving us anything other than precisely what we're asking for, that we'll get what we want.  Immediately.  We'll get what we ask for.

And of course, we're all familiar with the Mick Jagger rendition of how this often plays out in reality:

"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you just might find
You get what you need."* (emphasis added)

And many of us have, at least internally, balked at that truism.  Experiencing it can stink.


Getting What We Need Leads to Getting What We Want

bobsacks

I'd like to posit the theory that "getting what we need" may not be what we think we want, but it often - almost always, in fact - ultimately leads us to getting what we want.

The trick is that our "wants" evolve.  And often, they're most intimately crafted and carved out of what we initially think we want by the stepping stone of getting what we need.  It is amazing, once we open ourselves to receiving, how that simple receptivity can change everything, and we discover a pathway to truly receiving what we both want and need.

I read a delightful post the other day about just this process, and I decided to write this so I would have an excuse to share it - and add my two cents, of course.

This is the Magic of Life

I believe we are amazing creatures.  We have remarkable intellects, which give us the ability to think and reason and hypothesize, research, write, and experiment.  We also have another aspect to ourselves which is every bit as essential to our nature: we have the power of imagination and creativity, intuition, and awareness of the unseen.

I also believe that we are much more than "just" our bodies.  We are much more than "just" who we are in this lifetime, and there is more of an over-arching awareness to our experiences than we give ourselves credit for.

If we allow for both of these aspects of ourselves to come together as an integrated whole, instead of pitting one against the other and behaving as if the existence of one threatens the validity of the other, we are capable of achieving more than most of us ever give ourselves permission to even imagine.  This is the magic of life, and this, I believe, is what we are here to discover and explore at this most precious time in our evolution.

Ask for What You Want ~ 

derekskey

and Trust the Process of Getting What You Need

Just for the heck of it, I'd like you to reflect upon a time when you, maybe even secretly, gave that manifestation-talk a try.  Let's assume you were clear and nicely specific about what you wanted, as well as relatively assertive in your desire.

Let's also assume that you didn't get what you
thought you'd so specifically stated you wanted, at least not in anywhere near the time frame you thought you would (or should) receive it.  Instead, you got something that appeared to be the antithesis of what you'd "ordered up" from the Universe.  "Oh, what a bunch of bulls@#t," you thought, and probably promptly dismissed the entire process as so much New Age BS.

My challenge is this:  take another look at what unfolded in your life.  What did receiving the antithesis of your request bring to light?  How did you respond?  Did you end up getting rid of the relationship or experience you'd hoped would be the "answer" to your request?  Did the failure of that business bring you an introduction to a person who ended up being a font of inspiration and the perfect partner in a completely different venture?  Did your experience of what you thought you wanted hone your perception of what you truly want?  Did you realize that what you thought you wanted was actually destructive to your joy?

From this perspective, can you see the Magic of Life working in your reality?  Can you see the intuitive, creative part of yourself bringing messages and lessons to your logical self (and sometimes banging it over the head when it is being particularly obtuse)?

Are you ready to trust that process again, only this time bringing even greater awareness and appreciation to what you receive? 

What Magic might you experience?

*And yeah, it's going to be tough getting that out of your head now, right?  It's the gift that keeps on giving! 

An Epiphany ~ With a Side of Broccoli Rabe

OK, so yesterday I had an interesting experience.

I've been participating in the "Guided Reflections" exercises in the Forum of Fortuna's Oracle, a wonderful online site where I've been learning an incredible amount about the tarot in general and how to work with it.  Since the beginning of the year, several of us have been engaged in "Guided Reflections" on each of the 78 cards that comprise a tarot deck, in order.

Yesterday's Guided Reflection was on "XVI - The Tower," a card traditionally depicting a medieval tower being struck by lightning, its occupants falling to the ground.

The prompt that accompanied this Guided Reflection was:

"What epiphany might I experience that reshapes my reality?" 

The point of this exercise is to choose a card from our personal deck to answer the prompt emanating from the card of the day (in this case, The Tower), and then write about our interpretation of how the card we chose relates to and "answers," in a sense, the question associated with the card of the day.

I chose the Two of Water (a/k/a Two of Cups) from the Vision Quest deck.  And unlike most entries, my interpretation was simple and succinct:  "...that he really is reaching out to me from the other side."

It might help make sense of this post to know that the entire focus of all of my picks in the Guided Reflections has been on my quest (if you will) to manifest my three main goals for 2013, one of which is completing the book I began writing last year, which I will refer to here as "APK."

Although I didn't write much, it felt big.  Of course it felt big, I told myself, it's the Tower card.  And on some level, it was signifying an epiphany.  By their very nature, epiphanies are usually big.

But I didn't know an even bigger epiphany was in the offing.

Yesterday was a little strange, in that I did make a point of trying to get some writing done on the APK "earlier" than I usually do.  Then, in the middle of the afternoon, I was struck with a sudden and odd desire for broccoli rabe.  Now, I've actually been conscious of the fact that I have NOT CRAVED this vegetable - nor even DESIRED it - for many weeks, if not months.  Indeed, I would ask myself if I should pick some up, but no, I didn't want it.


  "Buy Broccoli Rabe!"

Well, that all changed yesterday afternoon.  All of a sudden, I could taste it, smell it, see it.  And I wanted it.  Indeed, so much so that I actually altered my plans about where I was going and what I was going to do when I went - all to build around the fact that I needed to get to the Acme to buy some broccoli rabe.  (And it had to be Acme broccoli rabe, because they keep it in water so it's fresh.)

Imagine my consternation when I got to the Acme and there was NONE to be found!?  I was like a caged lion, pacing back and forth, up and down along the produce section, searching vainly for where they might have put it.  How could they not have any broccoli rabe?!? 

Well, my neurotic persistence paid off and I glimpsed the tiniest few leaves of a different shape and texture peeking out from under at least six bunches of collard greens that had been stuffed into a display container of water.  YES!  There was one single bunch of broccoli rabe hiding there, waiting for me to come along and look hard enough to find it and take it home with me.

I was oddly relieved.

Photo by fritish

It goes without saying that I will probably never eat broccoli rabe without thinking about Karl (my son).  He always shared my voracious appetite for it, especially prepared in a very simple but delectable way:  steamed to a bright green and still "just crispy" consistency with many cloves of garlic, then tossed with olive oil, a hint of sea salt, and cayenne pepper flakes.  Oh yum.  He and I would eat it by the container-full when we first discovered it at a deli in Frenchtown, NJ, on our way home from me picking him up at the bus station when he would come home from NYU.

Indeed, the deli owner would look at us in amazement every time we would come in - probably equally for both the quantity we would purchase and our foolhardiness in paying a premium for him to make such a simple dish.  And Karl (husband), Maximus and Sage would just look at us and shake their heads, not taking anywhere near the delight that we did in the slightly bitter, spicy-hot, faintly salty taste of these delicious greens.

As the years went by, I did finally learn how to cook it as deliciously as our local deli-owner, and every time Karl would come home, I'd make a point of making a nice big batch for the two of us so that we could snack on it at a moment's notice.

So, last night, while I was out in the kitchen making portabello mushroom fajitas for dinner, I was also moved to steam that bunch of broccoli rabe and make "our green stuff," as we used to call it.  And it was as I was trimming the broccoli rabe and peeling the garlic cloves that I had my "epiphany," the "aha moment" that I honestly think was connected to the card I chose as my Guided Reflection on The Tower card, in that it is reshaping the reality of the book I am writing.

All of a sudden, I saw the book (APK) and thought about the way my stories just seem to "come out" of me.  I seem to constantly go "back and forth" from one 'time' to another, adding context and insight to the "present" experience, but in a non-linear fashion.  It's just my way - I honestly don't do it consciously. (In fact, I realize I just did it in this post.)  Anyway, as I was "seeing" the way I write my stories, and wondering how APK is going to unfold, I felt an overwhelming presence of Karl in the kitchen with me.  And not only did he convey a sense of permission, but it felt like he was actively encouraging me to "tell the whole story - the deeper story." That it's OK.  That, indeed, it's important.

"Tell the Whole Story..."




And that was connected to the unsettled and sad feeling I'd conjured within myself earlier in the week, when I'd opened one of my journals from quite a while ago - eight or nine years, actually - and started reading my entries (after quickly locating the distinct piece of information that led me there in the first place).  Wow, it was as if I'd been punched in the gut as I read entry after entry.  It's amazing how we forget the really, really hard times.

I didn't linger.  I put the journal back on the shelf.  But it haunted me.  And while the sadness stuck with me, I knew I'd been reminded of those times for a reason.

Now I know why.

They're absolutely as important a part of my story as the magical times.  And Karl wants me to share them, too.  Aha.

"Welcome, Sun!" - Point of Reflection # 9 - The Sirian Starseed Tarot

Happy Winter Solstice!  Welcome to a New Era!

Today is the beginning of another 5,125 year cycle in the Mayan Calendar, as well as the beginning of another 26,000 year cycle.

 On a more personal level, today marks the day of the "sun standing still" (solstice), signifying the moment in our annual solar cycle when the days stop becoming shorter, stop giving way to more and more darkness, and we simply "rest."  Tomorrow, our days will resume their never-ending, cyclic journey, this time moving toward the light, allowing for more and more warmth and energy to be available to us, nourishing and coaxing the seeds of our dreams and intentions to sprout and become manifest.

The deck I chose to use for today's Point of Reflection is The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori.  This is a new deck, only published in 2012.  I've not worked with it much, but it felt right to use today.  And the card I chose to begin this new season?
 
VII - The Chariot

Some excerpts from the interpretation provided by the author:

"...Who is this charioteer, and what is he racing toward?...

Many are we who have come into body at this time as true spirit warriors, and the road can be treacherous.  Darkness and light pull at the reins of our being as we race ahead, learning that it is our focused mind and intention that harness the forces driving us forward.

Lord Kirshna holds the reins, representing the proper use of the focused mind to train and master the sense.  It reminds (us) that when we connect to our higher mind, with clarity of intent and purpose, we move forward in the light of Divine Guidance.  Our personal Krishna harnesses the forces that pull at the reins of our lives, darkness and light, and moves the chariot forward, always seeking resolution to the polarity of opposing forces - our own darkness and light, our demons, and our divinity.

The chariot is the body vehicle, through which mind, sirit, and form are manifest.  The horses represent the sensate tools and our own physical power that we utilize inour journey through life.  The reins in the hands of Lord Krishna are the depiction of right mind, which direct the senses to move us forward.  He reminds us that we are not alone in this mission of life and that we do always have Diving Guidance in our race toward our goals.

Words associated with The Chariot are focused intent, determination, goal orientation, achievement, ambition, victory.  To the querent it says,

"Go forward now and harness your desire with the higher consciousness you always can access."..."(emphasis added)
  (c) 2012 by Patricia Cori .  Tarot card art (c) 2012 by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha.

Safe Travels and "Joyous Solstice!"

I couldn't have asked for a more appropriate image to mark this "ending," which is, of course, a new beginning on the journey to our "becoming."  We all need a chariot to take us where we're going.

My hope is that in joining me on this quest you've discovered some new and different means of accessing your own inner guidance and wisdom.  I also hope you've allowed yourself to rediscover the joy of play and the sense of renewal and rejuvenation that comes when we give ourselves just a little bit of time (and more importantly, internal permission) to "indulge" in self-reflection.

Thank you, too, for allowing me to share with you the magic of that which lies just beyond...
 

"T minus 1" - Point of Reflection # 8 - Divine Guidance

Today's Point of Reflection comes to us from Divine Guidance Oracle Cards (affiliate link) by Cheryl Lee Harnish.

As you can see from the samples of the cards at right, as well as the larger version of "our" card for today, below, the images in this deck are not as obvious in their meanings.  There aren't any depictions of birds, or clouds, or animals, or people dressed a certain way - all of which create instantaneous associations within our minds, almost always primarily via our cultural biases.  While this can be instructive, it can also be limiting.

The artwork reflected in today's deck utilizes fractals and by its very nature provokes us to start using (and maybe even trusting) our intuition in a deeper way.  I've found these cards speak to my heart in ways that are hard to explain, and evoke emotions and sometimes just a "sense" about things that is almost beyond words. 

The Way I Do It

As I've done throughout this series, before choosing a card for today's blog, I made a point of settling myself and clearing my mind.  I grounded myself by sitting up straight, envisioning "roots" of energy extending down from the soles of my feet, sinking their way down into the earth and connecting with the core of our planet.  I also envisioned white light beaming down from the center of the universe into the top of my head, allowing these earth and astral energies to meet and mingle in my heart.  I then specifically stated my intention to act as a messenger for all who might be reading this blog, and then asked for a card that would speak to each and every one of you, in exactly the way you need.

Today's Point of Reflection:  "AWAKENING"

"This is a powerful card.  You are now entering into a complete awakening:  to your higher self, your intuition, your gifts, your role on the planet and the Divine plan.  The opening of your heart-center is allowing your inner vision to see more clearly.  In turn, this is empowering you on many levels, both energetically and intuitively, to walk your path and do what you have come here to do.  Your Awakening will subconsciously call out to others to step into their own Light as well." 

(c) Cheryl Lee Harnish 2011

Cause for Celebration?

My husband and I have been using these cards since shortly after they were published.  We don't use them every day, by any means, but we have taken them along on many walks over the past 18 months or so. And so it was with a sense of shock that I realized, when I chose for "all of us" today, that I'd never seen this specific card before.  

We only have one more day left before experiencing the Winter Solstice and the much ballyhooed Galactic Alignment, "End" of the Mayan Long Count Calendar, Pachakuti, and fulfillment of Hopi Prophecy.  We've been encouraged, by the Points of Self-Reflection chosen over the past eight days, to:

• Connect with Spirit, our Higher Selves, our Guardians and Guides, and Mother Earth and her children and elements;
• Reflect on our heart's desires and what we want to create in our lives; and 
• Contemplate our dedication and commitment to manifesting our deepest truths and highest callings.

I could not have asked for a more beautiful card for us to receive.  What better cause to Celebrate...than our Awakening?

 

"T minus 2" - Point of Reflection # 7 - Co-Creation Code Deck

Today's tool to aid us in self-reflection is a card chosen from the Co-Creation Code Deck (affiliate link) by Rowena Pattee Kryder.

This deck is very different from "the Tarot" in general, or any other oracular implement we've explored so far during this journey toward the Winter Solstice of 2012.

Indeed, there are so many layers, so many levels to these cards, that I must readily admit that I have only explored them superficially.  My sense since purchasing them some years ago is that they represent keys to unlock some very deep and profound layers of our consciousness.  I've never felt a call to use them on a daily basis - rather, I've used them as a touchstone when encountering deep feelings of profound change in myself or in my environment.

The card I chose for "us" today is:

"15 - WIND - Order interconnects"

"The Wings of Wind play the harp of the collective unconscious, projected from space.  Only the imagination can reach this Wind - for it is subtle, intangible - within your consciousness.  Listen!  You can hear its murmuring, its high frequency, its soothing voice as well as its howling!  Listen to the wind in trees and grasses, the wind-lapped waves of lakes. Listen to hurricanes!  What is the Wind saying to you?  It will penetrate to the matrix of your being and from this matrix you can weave the Wind - merge threads of subconscious desires - into a fabric of sublime beauty.  Opposites weave into one another in this Wind of essences.  You can now integrate what appears to be irreconcilable into variegated garments to embody your truth.  If there is a gap between the essences of Wind and the physical force of wind, write a poem.  Realize that interconnection, weaving, integration of soul happens by dream work, imaginal work, symbolic ways.  Fly free in the Wind and make it your friend.  How is the wind apart from space?  You breathe wind, whereas space is in the mind.  Unite space and Wind in an infinitesimally small or infinitely large awareness that your own soul matrix is one with all sources.  Relax in the breeze and speak from the Wind!"
(c) 2003 by Rowena Pattee Kryder

I am going to "trust," once again, that I was encouraged to use this deck today, and choose this card in particular, for the benefit of those of you who've had the courage and dedication to accompany me thus far.  Perhaps those of you who have an affinity to music and harmonics will receive a message or gain an insight from "tuning" into the Harmonic specified on the card, and the note referenced, that will be more meaningful than all the words in the world.

I don't pretend to understand this, beyond my own connection with the Wind itself.  My passions lie in connecting with the Elements, with Nature, and with Spirit as expressed through them, and more.  But perhaps we all "interconnect" with each other and All That Is through our own unique passions, loves, and predilections.

Find what speaks to you ~ and listen.   Allow yourself to be carried by the Wind into a place of deepest reflection.  Allow yourself to appreciate your own precious way of being in harmony in this world.

"T minus 4" - Point of Reflection # 6 - Vision Quest Tarot

Today's Point of Reflection is a selection from what may be my favorite tarot deck:  Vision Quest Tarot by Gayan S. Winter and Jo Dose (affiliate link).

After many years of unconscious resistance (a blog post for another day), I've come to a place of deep appreciation for and delight in "the Tarot" as a tool for self-awareness and personal understanding.  I've overcome a gut-level, inchoate fear that had no discernible roots in my experience.

This deck, and one other that I may share over the next few days that helped me move beyond my discomfort, played a big part in my willingness to explore "the Tarot."  My fondness for this deck is rooted in its indigenous, Nature-based focus.  It just feels comfortable and, even more important, comforting to me.  That's not to say that the messages delivered by this system aren't universal - and don't occasionally amount to a kick in the rear-end - for they are, and they do.  I just resonate with the symbols and feel at home in allowing them to speak to my heart.

Today's Point of Reflection?                    
(You know, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.  Well, I guess could, but not without it seeming completely contrived and losing all credibility...)
                                                                       
 V. - Shaman (relates to the Heirophant in traditional decks)


"In essence:  WISDOM - transcendence - intuition - deep knowledge of underlying forces - clear insight into recurring cycles - supernatural talents - otherworldly, extrasensory visions

Inner message:  The Shaman inside you is capable of merging his intuitive perceptiveness with the wisdom of the Elders.  Meditate and find out what really motivates you, what your inner core truly desires.  Don't waste time trying to fulfill more superficial desires. They can never satisfy your ancient longing.  That is not their task.  Shift your attention to what is ESSENTIAL.  Most essential in your life is your own being.  Without knowing the true essence of your being, your heart will always remain empty and dissatisfied.  Without recognition of who you are, without inwardly awakening to that, you stumble like a drunkard through a maze of meaningless limitations.  Remember your Self!  Take the time and whatever space you need to explore your innermost being.  For that, you don't have to go anywhere.

Outward manifestation:  Much of what no longer feels right for you is ready to leave or fall away.  Be thankful!  You may have to go through the pain of disillusionment, but that's in fact your liberation.  If you want to awaken to Reality, no spiritual entertainment technique can help you.  It is time to face yourself.  The Shaman merely reminds you of your spiritual heritage.  He points to your source, the unnameable, the mystery of your existence, the power that created everything and absorbs you back into itself at the end of this life.  Contemplate how to best spend your time!"
(c) 1998 AGM AG Muller

This is What I'm Talking About!

Talk about a kick in the pants.  I cannot imagine that, if you've taken the time to visit this blog and read this far, that this Point of Reflection doesn't resonate deep within you, that it doesn't poke you and prod you and yet make you want to smile and maybe even laugh - as in, "Yeah, I'm busted."

You're here for a reason, and I'll leave it up to you to decide what I mean by that.